The following is a short gospel message I delivered at the wedding of Daniel Lisa and Allison Smith on this date:
Dan and Ally, we have met together several times over these last few months for pre-marital counseling. During our times together, we have covered many things relating to marriage. We studied what Scripture says it means to be a true man and what it means to be a true woman. We talked about marriage as a God-centered and God-ordained life-long covenant union. After talking about the biblical and theological basis for marriage, we went on to discuss some practical matters such as trust, respect, forgiveness, love, communication, and problem-solving.
Our times of study together were structured by a series of biblically based commitments that I asked you to make to each other and to God. I want to remind you that these commitments were not intended to be a one-time thing; rather, they are commitments that you will have to reaffirm in your lives over and over and over again as you move forward from this special day.
On this day, you are both at your best. You both look your best. You are both on your best behavior. Everything about this day has been carefully planned and meticulously organized, down to the very minute. The result is a wonderful day of celebration that, in many respects, seems like a fairy tale. And that is the goal of many who plan out their wedding day: to create the perfect day.
But let me tell you this: life is not like this.
Life is filled with conflict. It is chaotic and erratic. It can be brutal and tremendously difficult. Incredible hardship and tribulation can spring up when you least expect it to. You won’t always look as wonderful as you do on this day. You won’t always be as nice to each other as you are on this day.
It is very easy for us to deceive ourselves so that we come to believe in fairy tales. I’m not saying that we actually come to believe that we will live in a castle and wear pretty dresses and suits of armor every day.
What I mean by “believing in fairy tales” is that we develop very unhealthy and unrealistic attitudes about our spouses. We hold our mates to impossible standards of perfection. As a result, conflict inevitably arises, and the marriage relationship deteriorates. But this should not be so!
Does not Scripture clearly teach us about the fallen nature of humanity? Does it not plainly teach that we are evil, sinful, and corrupt to our very core? Doesn’t the Lord proclaim that our hearts are deceitful above all things and desperately sick (Matt. 7:11; Rom. 3:10-18; Jer. 17:9)? The fairy tale option is to ignore these realities. But this cannot be the answer to our sin problem. Blind optimism doesn’t solve anything. But neither will a hopeless pessimism solve anything.
Our solution begins with remembering the gospel, the message of our salvation. A righteous God created mankind perfect, in His holy image. But we rebelled against Him, becoming His enemies by breaking His laws and turning to our own ways and idols. The result of our sin is a separation between the Lord God and ourselves. We have brought the curse of death and the just wrath of God upon our own heads.
But the Father, in an amazing act of love, sent His only Son, Jesus Christ, into the world to reconcile us to Himself and save us from our hopeless condition. This Jesus, God in the flesh, lived a life free from sin, and then offered Himself up on the cross as a perfect sacrifice and substitute on our behalf to satisfy the wrath of God. He died there and was buried. Three days later, He rose from the dead in great power, victorious over sin, death, and Satan. He appeared to many, and then ascended into heaven, where He is seated today at the right hand of God the Father Almighty. All who sincerely repent of their sins and believe this gospel, the good news of salvation, will be saved.
The solution to all of our relational problems, especially in marriage, is “gospel-mindedness.” Gospel-mindedness is a continual and abiding awareness of the undeserved gift of our salvation in Christ. The message of the gospel creates a grace-centered mentality in the marriage relationship. Empowered by the Holy Spirit, gospel-mindedness creates a default setting of forgiveness between husband and wife. When grace deteriorates, your marriage is endangered. The first one to “win” any fight is the first one to act in grace and mercy to forgive the other. The one who “wins” is the one who acts like Christ, in humility and gentleness.
In this we see that the gospel is not only a message that is the power of salvation, but also a message that has the power to sanctify your marriage, making it a holy and beautiful thing in the sight of God and a watching world.
When conflict and trial inevitably arise in your relationship, I urge you both to remember the gospel and to commit yourselves to living out its message of grace and reconciliation in your marriage.
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