In order to lay a proper foundation for the sessions to follow, I believe it important to first cover a biblical view of manhood and womanhood. This session will set the overall tone and many of the discussion points in the sessions to follow.
Session One is a discussion of an essay on manhood and womanhood written by John Piper:
John Piper, “A Vision of Biblical Complementarity: Mandhood and Womanhood Defined According to the Bible,” in Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, ed. by John Piper and Wayne Grudem (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2006).[1]
Manhood and womanhood are the beautiful handiwork of a good and loving God. He designed the differences between the sexes, and these differences are very profound. These differences go far beyond biological differences and go to the very heart of our individual personhood (p. 32).[2]
Our differences inevitably result in diverse responsibilities that are based upon the manner in which we were created. These roles are rooted in the divine plan of the created order, not in culture or convention (p. 35).
“When the Bible teaches that men and women fulfill different roles in relation to each other, charging man with a unique leadership role, it bases this differentiation not on temporary cultural norms but on permanent facts of creation. This is seen in 1 Cor. 11:3-16; Eph. 5:21-33; and 1 Tim. 2:11-14. In the Bible, differentiated roles for men and women are never traced back to the fall of man and woman into sin. Rather, the foundation of this differentiation is traced back to the way things were in Eden before sin warped our relationships. Differentiated roles were corrupted, not created, by the fall. They were created by God” (p. 35).
A Definition and Explanation of Mature Masculinity
Our world and individual cultures frequently (always?) distort and warp true masculinity into forms nearly unrecognizable from the biblical standard. It is through such distortion that relational dysfunction inevitably arises between the sexes, and in marriages.
John Piper’s definition of a mature masculinity is that it “is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for, and protect women in ways appropriate to a man’s differing relationships” (p. 36). While not exhaustive, this definition nonetheless gives us a starting point for instruction and application.
A “mature” masculinity is one that always leads to a benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for, and protect the women he encounters in his daily life. If this is not present, his masculinity is immature, incomplete, and distorted. Further, a mature masculinity finds its true nature as a form of love, rather than a form of self-assertion (p. 36). Self-assertion is contrary to the model that Jesus displays in His incarnation, in His life, and in His crucifixion. Therefore, masculinity that is based solely upon a worldly form of self-assertion is inherently anti-Christ.
A man’s “sense” of responsibility speaks of a mindset that is present at all times, regardless of a man’s capability to perform in a given role as a leader, protector, or provider. This sense of responsibility extends to the concern he shows toward the marriage relations of those around him, manifests itself in the way that he relates to pornography, and manifests in the way he talks about women in general (p. 36).
The word “benevolent” is “meant to rule out all self-aggrandizing authoritarianism. It is meant to rule out all disdaining condescension and any act that makes a mature woman feel patronized rather than honored and prized.
The man’s model is Christ Himself, the most perfect image of masculinity ever presented before us:
Luke 22:26 (ESV) Let the greatest among you become as the youngest, and the leader as one who serves.
Husbands are exhorted to “live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life” (1 Pet. 3:7).
Men will be uniquely called to account for their leadership, provision, and protection in relation to women. This is graphically illustrated for us in Genesis 3:9 where, even though Eve had sinned first, God seeks out and calls for Adam. The man must give the first account to God for the moral life of his family (p. 37). This is a great and heavy responsibility that is not to be taken lightly.
A mature man will not utilize his strength to demand to be served, but will instead use his strength in sacrificial service of his wife and family (Lk. 22:26). A mature man will always point his wife to the leadership of Christ over the home, and not to his own authority. He realizes that the woman will stand or fall, not before him, but before Christ (p. 38). A mature man feels the responsibility to provide a general pattern of initiative regarding spiritual matters within the family and home (p. 39). It is a shame and a dishonor to a man whose wife is the one who establishes the spiritual tone and pattern of godliness in the home. A godly husband is not passive regarding spiritual things, but active, willingly taking a leadership role in the formation of Christlikeness among the members of his family.
Although a mature masculinity accepts the burden of the final say in disputes within the home, it does not presume to use it in every instance. The mature husband will seek godly counsel from his wife and may often end up adopting her ideas as best for the family unit. “Unilateral decision making is not usually a mark of good leadership. It generally comes from laziness or insecurity or inconsiderate disregard” (p. 40).
Mature masculinity demands that the husband take the initiative in disciplining children who have violated agreed-upon standards of conduct within the home (p. 41). A passive male sets a bad example for his children (regarding biblical male headship), and dishonors his wife in the process by forcing her to plow this field that he is unwilling to labor in.
Everyone knows, down deep inside, that it is the man’s primary responsibility to provide for and protect the family. “Every wife knows that something is amiss in a man’s manhood if he suggests that she get out of bed 50% of the time to see what the strange noise is downstairs…It belongs to masculinity to accept danger to protect women” (p. 43).
A Definition and Explanation of Mature Femininity
John Piper’s definition of “mature femininity”: “At the heart of mature femininity is a freeing disposition to affirm, receive, and nurture strength and leadership from worthy men in ways appropriate to a woman’s differing relationships” (p. 46).
Mature femininity is not what our popular culture demands it to be, but what God has created and revealed it to be. This is critical to remember as we move through the following.
Rather than a set of behaviors, mature femininity is here defined as a “disposition.” This is because it will express itself in various ways depending on the situation. A heart disposition of mature femininity will express ultimate submission only to Christ alone, and not to any other authority that may encourage rebellion against Him. The mature woman must never follow her husband’s leadership into sin (p. 47).
“But even where a Christian wife may have to stand with Christ against the sinful will of her husband, she can still have a spirit of submission – a disposition to yield” (p. 47).
This type of freeing disposition can only be wrought by God’s Spirit, and is inherently set over against a worldly model of true femininity. “The greatest freedom is found in being so changed by God’s Spirit that you can do what you love to do and know that it conforms to the design of God and leads to life and glory” (p. 47).
The mature woman has a submissive spirit to the authority of the man in the home. In many ways, this submissive spirit is a startling image of Christ Himself in His submission to the will of the Father in all things. In this, she can model true Christlikeness in a way that the man cannot.
It also teaches us that, although she is submissive, the wife is in no way lesser for it. For just as no one but a heretic would proclaim that Jesus Christ/God the Son is not co-equal with God the Father and God the Holy Spirit, no one but a heretic should ever announce that a woman, for her submissive disposition, is not co-equal with the man in the dignity of her personhood.
A mature femininity is one in which it feels natural and glad to accept the leadership and strength of worthy men. She is one who nurtures and strengthens the resources of masculinity, empowering his loving disposition as she showers unconditional respect upon him. She is, after all, his partner and assistant (Gen. 2:18).
“She strengthens the strength she receives, and refines and extends the leadership she looks for…Mature women bring nurturing strengths and insights that make men stronger and wiser and that make the relationship richer” (p. 48-9). In this way, the relationship is symbiotic in nature, each partner feeding off of and providing for the other in ways that neither could on their own.
The Biblical Vision of Complementarity
The mandate is biblical headship for the husband. This is the divine call to take primary responsibility for Christlike, servant-leadership, protection and provision in the home.
The mandate is biblical submission for the wife. This is the divine calling to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it though according to her gifts (p. 52-3).
“This is the way of joy…When we follow His idea of marriage (sketched in texts like Gen. 2:18-24; Prov. 5:15-19; 31:10-31; Mark 10:2-12; Eph. 5:21-33; Col. 3:18-19; and 1 Pet. 3:1-7) we are most satisfied and He is most glorified” (p. 53).
(Session Two can be found here.)
[2] Page numbers indicated will be from Piper’s essay as formatted in the 2006 print version, rather than the online version, of Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.
.jpg)
