I am currently counseling couples in preparation for marriage. This post outlines eight commitments that I ask them to make before, during, and after the marriage ceremony. While not intended to be exhaustive in scope, they create a solid foundation upon which to build. OUR COMMITMENTS[1]
1. Our commitment to each other is a life-long commitment, to be severed only by death. We reject the concept of divorce as a legitimate way to end our marriage covenant.
2. Our commitment to each other is one that places our relationship to each other as the highest priority in all human relationships, even over other close family relations such as parents, siblings, and children.
3. Our commitment to each other is based upon a mutual commitment to the authority of Scripture in our personal lives and in our relationship. We will seek to properly and honestly[2] apply Scripture in every area of our marriage covenant, now and always.
4. We accept the wife’s responsibility to submit to the husband as unto the Lord and to give him unconditional respect as the leader of the home (Eph. 5:22-24, 33).[3]
5. We accept the husband’s responsibility to unconditionally love the wife as Christ loves the church and to provide leadership that shows true concern for her welfare (Eph. 5:25-33).[4]
6. We will seek to develop an atmosphere of mutual trust, respect, forgiveness, and love in our relationship. We vow to be quick to trust, quick to forgive, and quick to show love and respect at every point of our lives together.
7. We will strive to always allow the principles of Scripture to govern the ways in which we communicate. Knowing that the “tongue is a fire” that can set our marriage ablaze, that it is a “restless evil…full of deadly poison” (James 3:3-12), we vow to be circumspect in our speech, acting peaceably and gently with each other, always being filled with a heart of mercy toward each other (3:17).
8. Knowing that poor communication is frequently a source of strife and bitterness within a marriage, we will heartily commit ourselves to the goal of communication, striving to develop greater oneness in our marriage. Therefore we will give ourselves to godly communication that serves to unify and strengthen our familial bonds.
[1] These commitments are expanded and modified from the personal marriage counseling notes of Dr. John Davis of Grace Church of Philly.
[2] Knowing the wickedness and deceitfulness of the human heart, it is especially important that Scripture be rightly interpreted and applied. When ensnared in sin, people frequently twist and distort the Scriptures out of shape in order to justify their rebellion and wickedness against God, and in order to justify their violation of the marriage covenant. Pastoral guidance in this area should be immediately sought if there is any question regarding the interpretation and application of specific texts in the lives of the married couple.
[3] An attitude and display of unconditional respect (on the part of the wife) will motivate the husband to love his wife unconditionally. Cf. Emerson Eggerichs, Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2004).
[4] An attitude and display of unconditional love (on the part of the husband) will motivate the wife to respect her husband in an unconditional manner.
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